Where does one start? At the beginning? The end? Somewhere inbetween? How does one know what is the beginning and what is the end? And is there ever an End?
I have experienced the probably most turmoil week ever in London. It has been Good, Bad, Exhausting, Amazing and absolutely Knackering. London is and will always be in my heart, but God am I looking forward to going home to Jakobstad tomorrow!
Flew to Stockholm on the 27th, sisterMalin picked me up at the airport, and we drove back to their wondeful house on the countryside, where we were met my Henrik, a sleepy Maija and the cats. Oh Maija, Maija Maija - beautiful gorgeous wonderful niece and apple of my eye! Like a sleepy little frog she was lying cuddled up on Henrik's chest. Legs curled up underneath her, and sleepily giving her new auntie a wideeyed look, but then giving into sleep. Only two months old, but able to break the heart of a supposedly grown up 26 year old woman.
We were all pretty knackered, so went to bed early. I slept crap, really crap. Mind woozing here and there, trying to get hold of something calming, anchoring myself in the safe and wellknown harmonic surrounding, but not quite succeeding. Fell asleep exhausted sometime in the middle of the night, got a few hours or restless sleep. Gave up around 4ish and went up for a little wander.
Leiah (one of the cats) jumped purring up into my bed, in the dark I was not sure which of the cats it was, so I did the Leiah/Simba test: stopped stroking her for a while, and yes, there it is, a small little clawless paw pressing my lips gently, prompting 'please stroke me more, I love you'. Oh Leiah you are a wonderful odd little kittiecat!
Got dressed, warm, rolled a cigarette (which was difficult sitting on the floor as Leiah kept pawing my hand making me drop all the tobacco on the floor several times. Cheeky lovable cat!) and walked silently Out into the Night.
The sky was endless. Absolutely Endless. I have never ever in my life seen so many stars. I didn't know there were so many stars. The sky was deep deep blue like soft but cold velvet, and the stars was the only thing lighting up the world underneath. I saw a shooting star, then another one. Never knew there were so frequent, but maybe it was just a coincidence, or the fact that I was in the proper countryside, with no distracting citylights dampening the bright glow of the stars.
Followed my feet on wellknown wanders, letting them leed, letting the week eyes sleep. Absolute Harmony. Soft warm and wonderful feeling deep in the belly, covering up the little ball of worry and not-wanting-to-think-about-feelings. Wishing the morning will never come and that I can stay in the Calm Dark Night forever.
But the morning came, and I was happy as it meant that Maija, Malin and Henrik woke up, and I got to spend some time with them! Bless, Maija loves being sung to, so the day was full of singing, in swedish, finnish and english. I sang all finnish songs I could think of, whilst rolling her in the buggy and just adoring watching her. Her little, steady eyes following me and my voice, smiling and making funny noises which sounds like she is joining in with the song. Adorable little human being!
Had a long long walk with Malin & Maija, trying to encapsulate every second I get to spend with sister, as we see each other far too little due to the distance...Oh Sister, my clever amazing wonderful sister. No words can describe how Important you are, so I won't even try. You know what you mean to me anyway: the world.
Got my bag packed, made some lunch for all of us, and then sadly, it was time to leave. Malin asked if I was looking forward to going to London, and to my own surprise my answer was 'No, not at all'. Which was a bit of a kick in the teeth, something I had been pushing away but known all along somewhere deep down under the 'rational' and 'grown up' feelings. Conflicting feelings as I was missing and looking forward to seeing my friends, but London? Not looking forward to London in the slightest.
So that was a good start to the trip.....
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