Oh how I want to be a red panda chilling on a tree branch

This is how I want to spend the rest of January - resting and re-energising! I am going to cuddle in my little cottage, with two old lazy cats and a lot of hot tea. Maybe some old friends thrown in for good measure, but otherwise mostly just chilling. Finding my own two feet again after too many months of crazyness.

I am tired. Tired. Tired of not sleeping well. Tired of socialising far too much in period. Tired of not being able to/refusing to listen to my body. Tired of trying to be all these things to people who don't actually even ask of anything from me. So I'm gonna stop. Just do the relationships which I actually want to do and which makes me feel good, a friend, a sister, an auntie, a carer and feeder (of the cats), a daughter, a granddaughter.

Doing a jobseeker course this week, and it feels surprisingly good to get kicked into starting to think about work again, but slowly, in my own pace. It is so new and unfamiliar to be applying for jobs in this strange country and system. Well, I guess it's no stranger than the UK, but unfamiliar certainly. They ask all these things I have no clue of, what is a 'arbetsintyg', 'arbetslöshetskassa' and 'arbetsavtal'??? I know what a reference, work contract and dole is, but that's about it...So, feeling a bit lost at times, but luckily the course has a slow pace, since there are some people there who don't actually have an own email address, or know what internet banking is, so we are all beginners at some things!

And god gracious what a lovely feeling it was to wake up this morning after 9 amazing hours of sleep, with only one short break in the night! I was so happy I almost wanted to do a little dance when I realised I had slept all night! I have had such rubish sleep the last few weeks, and the last week or so has been terrible with almost constant insomnia. So I am trying to change my living, eating, smoking and drinking habits now in order to sort this sleeping out...

It's spelt; Routines, routines, routines. The ones of you who know me will know straight away that I am RUBISH at anything spelt as per above. Anything resembling a rule (even if it is made by myself) wakes this childish disobeying reaction in me, and I jsut want to curse them straight to hell! BUT, I am trying to outsmart myself and my personality by calling them 'advice' rather than rules, so let's see how it goes...

All I know is I WANT TO BE A RED PANDA ON A TREE BRANCH AND CHILL THE H*LL OUT FOR A CHANGE!