Sometimes...

...I am happy I have no idea how to get a gun. I know there are a lot of guns in Finland, and that getting hold of one would probably not be very hard (we actually even have an air rifle at the cottage), but I am happy I don't live in a country where owning a gun is totally acceptable and normal.

Because life is so god damn fragile, and guns create criminals out of scared, insecure and angry people. I am not trying to say that there aren't people who just want to kill, there are probably plenty - but I also know that most crime is opportunistic, and that if murder weapons would not be available at certain times there would be no murder. Killings and murder would not end just because guns would dissapear (people who want to kill/hurt are very inventive), but reducing something which far to easily ends lives can't be a bad thing?

I love Rihanna's song Man Down, and I love the video. People who say that the video is raw and glorify violence is sick in the head (pardon my french, but it's true). It does exactly the opposite. Watch the video again, look for all the little details, and try to imagine what she is trying to say with both the video and the song.

I think it is an absolutely brilliant and painfully accurate political statement, which touches on both gender politics, crime, guns, sexual violence and poverty. I don't know if that is what Rihanna would say, but hey the listener is always right.

Because the reality is just this raw, in EVERY country. Fact is women always negotiate their sexuality in a (more or less) sexist, male-defined and male-biased space. Regarless if we are talking the private or public sphere. Fact is women are raped, abused, sexually harassed, stalked and verbally harassed everywhere, every day, every fucking second of every fucking day.

And no, not every man does this, and not every woman is raped. But statistically most (I would even say all, but let's say most as that I have statistical 'proof' for) women experience sexual harassment/sexual violence at some point in their life. It might be having a stranger grope you at the bar, having someone follow you in the street with the intention of making you feel insecure/scared/threatened, or being raped. Or being hit by a partner, or expartner. Or one of the various other acts (some) men use to intimidate, ridicule or hurt women.

And I am fucking fed up with this. I am angry as F*CK! Knowing the facts and statistics and reality (because yes I am a women and things like this happen to me, and yes most my friends are female and they experience it too...) makes me sometimes hate everything which is male. Which I know is not rational, because pretty much every man in my life does NOT do things like this. Or at least every single man which I consider a friend, and my male relatives. BUT having a feminist awareness also makes me allergic to everything which is sexist, even when it is in a 'joking' sense, and this creates confrontations and difficult situations sometimes.

And yes I know, I am part of this fucked up gender system as well, which makes the whole issue a lot harder. Because however feminist I try to be in my everyday life, I am still socialised into this unequal system, which colours also my actions, sexuality and life. I am just as imperfect as most people. I try not to use sexist language, but hey I do sometimes. I try not t generalise from a gendered perspective. I try to see people as individuals and not necessarily men and women. But MAN (here we go, sexist language...) is it hard!

If only the world could bloody help a little, and make it a little bit easier to live a nonsexist life. If only people woould be a little more gender aware. If politicians would be a little more interested in changing sexist laws, structures and institutions. If only EVERYONE would try (at least try) to treat human beings as individuals, and not women and men. If only HUMAN VALUE, OPENNESS and RESPECT would guide people's actions and interactions.

If it would actually be acceptable and accepted that women have a sexuality which is selfdefined and independent. I mean TRULY accepted. A world where every woman is free to define her own sexuality, sense of dress and behaviour - WITHOUT being considered/called a slut, prude or dyke. UNLESS of course if she decides herself that she wants to be called any of the above.

If a dress would always be a dress is a dress is a dress, not a 'come here and rape/touch/insult me' sign. Just as a no would be a no would be a no would be a NO ALWAYS, regardless of how many alcoholic drinks you or another person has had. Regardless of how short the above mentioned dress is. REGARLESS if you have had a pervious sexual history. Even regardless if you have been saying yes yes yes and then all of a sudden decides no.

If a woman could kiss another woman, or dance with another woman, maybe just because she wants to - without some bloke thinking she is doing it to turn HIM on. And maybe she's not a lesbian, or even bisexual, maybe she's just having fun and experimenting with her friends, it doesn't matter WHY she does it, but she does it for some or other reason, because she can, because she wants to.

But in a world where everything centres around male pleasure there is virtually no space for women to enjoy their sexuality independently and without men. Because it threatens the whole gender order. Women enjoying themselves and other women, independently of men is sooooo god damn scary cause it indicates that women can do things on their own, that they're not dependent on men and that they can think further than the sexist system would like them to do. Why else would 'dyke' be such a useful negative label? Because calling someone a 'dyke' indicates that they are not feminine, that they have transgressed what is ok and acceptable for women to do. Or transgressed the 'rules' of how women should dress and/or look.

So, summa summarum, I will keep gender bending until I am treated exactly the same way when I am dressed in my granddad's size XXL lumberjack shirt as when I am dressed in a push up bra and short skirt. And I will continue to get angry. And I will continue not to shave my legs but shave my armpits. And I will keep telling people off when they say sexist things. And I might get up on my high horse every now and then and be a bit obnoxious and a bit too irritable and polemic, but hey I wouldn't be me any other way.

And I hope, just hope, that living my life the way I live, saying what I say, writing what I write and thinking what I think makes someone think twice, makes someone consider something they just said, and maybe say it differently the next time. THAT would mean the world to me.

You can't change the world alone - but you can plant little seeds of awareness, openness and respect in people's heads - and THAT can change the world