Mini catch up - Life at this moment

I am sorry about the bad bloggage recently - life, stress, too much to do too little time and a bloody virus came in between me and the blog inspiration!

But I have so much to write about!! I will write very very soon! But in the meantime, I am up and down like a jo-jo (nothing new there) but I am trying slooowly sloowly to start listening to my body, to the signals it is sending out, and to actually FOLLOW them. I am so hardcore good at ignoring my body and natural instincts (tiredness, hunger, cold...) that it's scary sometimes. Like I would have to punch my forehead bloody against a wall before actually realising that I have a head ache, and that my forehead is bleeding and bruising.

But I am trying to make a stop to all of that. Take care of myself. Take time outs. Stop talking every now and then (and now THAT is a challange my dear friends!). Listening to what the body is trying to say, what it needs and wants. And letting the emotions rest sometimes. Just doing N-O-T-H-I-N-G! I find it increadibly hard to do nothing, or to do one thing without at the same time be A. Talking, B. Socialising, C. Drinking Coffe, D. Trying to change the world.

You actually get more done if you do one thing at a time. I have started to realise. So, we'll see what happens

On another note I am very very happy right now. There is still a lot of sorrow and grief and loss going on, faffas funeral is in two weeks, it will be a tough one. But I am trying to distinguish one loss and sadness from the other, and let them all take place without bowling me over by its congegrated strengt. So, I am trying to deal with it in little bits and pieces. And being bored and doing nothing inbetween helps with that, it helps to balance and zero'fy me a little bit.

And I am happy - I have warm fuzzy thoughts of sunshine, christmas, laughter and sparkling eyes. I am dreaming of Glögg and Pepparkakor and alabaster skin which I bet smell like vanilla. So things are ok sometimes, rough sometimes, and bloody amazing sometimes! And that's ok. It gives strenght. And happiness.

So, I will toddle along on this path I am making myself, and I am finding new friends along the journey all the time, which is the best thing!

"With the stones they put in your way

you may build a solid road to travel"

(Buddhist saying)