Sometimes forced positivity and optimism is better than none at all

Sometimes, when you feel totally stuck in negativity, lack of motivation and energy, tiredness and downwards spirals you have to totally flip the coin and look at the other side - the good things in life.

Oh it's hard, and it feels forced a lot of the time, and sometimes it just doesn't work however much you try. But I am still a hard believer in the school of Positive Thought, even though I time and time again get stuck in negative and destructive thought patterns.

My theory is positivity is not just something that comes. It's something you have to work on. Over and over again. And not give up on. Cause I don't think that you will suddenly wake up one morning feeling 'God, here it is, now I am a POSITIVE HUMAN BEING, and nothing bad can ever get me again!'. I think positivity, a little bit like with happiness, is something which comes to you in bursts, after you have practised on them for a long time. Tried things, failed things, tried other things which might work better for you. Learnt a little better what works with you and what does not work with you. And when you find some kind of formula/balance which works with you - practise on keeping it alive!

So, I'm gonna make a little list of things which lifts my spirits, and adds some positivity and happiness to my life (since I also like making lists this is a double positive!);

1. My family - don't know where I'd be without my parents and siblings, and extended family as well. They are my security, sense of belonging and anchoring, support and source of strenght. Besides that they are also amazing, funny, creative and stubborn individuals- which I constantly learn new things from and about

2. My friends - god I don't know where I'd be without you! Amazing strongminded, funny, bubbly, creative, intelligent, emphatic and crazy friends. My really really close friends are all very different, but we are similar in the important aspect of what counts most in friendship - trust, support, honesty, ability to listen, respect, and a lot of laughter and sillyness in between!

3. Music (today's favourite is The Kinks, especially Long tall Sally)

4. Sunshine

6. RAK- Random Acts of Kindness. Small things which break up everyday life and remind you that you are not alone, that the world is not a totally terrible place after all but on the contrary full of other people who just like you might just need a little more positivity and laughter in their lives. I especially love how random acts of kindness have a tendency of multiplying! 

7. Clever street art, grafitti, postering and 'knitting art' with the aim of making people think, or just putting a smile on people's faces

8. Recieving mail (this does not include bills or official mail). Oh the feeling of excitement and happiness when ripping up a handtyped envelope with a handwriting you know!

9. The feeling when completing something which you have been pushing away in your mind for a long time (and oddly enough often realising that it wasn't as bad as you thought, and how much easier it would have been if you just would have done it straight away....but that's another strory..)

10. Overhearing funny/wierd conversations between people you don't know. I am a habitual evesdropper, I love listening in to people's conversations and getting a little insight into their lives that way. It is hilarious the conversations you hear sometimes, and they do tend to put a smile to my face

11. Hugs. Hugs and Hugs. One of the smallest but best acts in everyday life. Love them.

12. Cuddling up in bed with the cats when they are in a good and cuddly mood, bliss!

13. Curling down in bed with the pleasing and warmthgiving feeling that it has been a really good day

14. Realising the simple joys in life, often done so when spending time with small kids as you can learn a lot about enjoying life without thinking too much about it from kids...

15. Signs of spring in winter (even if it's just cultivated tulips on the inside when the snow is blowing outside!)

16. Stimulating, challenging and thoughtprovocing discussions and debate, preferably about feminism/sexuality/equality in general. Nothing livens up the spirit like a good old debate, makes you feel alive!

17. Seeing people who dare to break the mold, in all kinds of ways, clothes, appearence, they way they act or live their lives. There's more than one way to live life and look, and it gives me such a kick when I see people who celebrate diversity and individuality and dare to be different!


Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand so on. Off to work tonight (soon) so no more time to mull over positivity, just gonna try my best to keep the feeling (rather than purely the thought of it) alive as much as possible!

Hasta la vista!

“He respects Owl, because you can't help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn't spell it right.” [A. A. Milne]

Things I used to miss about Finland/Jakobstad when living in London (a journey through lost times)....

 Summer nights at Puben, always a given! Here with Lina, Kim and Michelle a few years ago

 Summer days drinking coffee and catching up in town with my lovelies!! Soffi & Heidi

 House parties/BBQ's! This summer they ALWAYS included shitloads of Fisu!(: (oh the times when I had really long hair!)

 MAMMA & PAPPA! Escpecially leisurly mornings/ lunches/ dinners outside at the cottage...Summerbliss!

 Getting my shoes off and keeping them off for almost the entire summer holiday. Clean green grass!

 The freshness of wet cold grass after a cool summer night!

 Oh the cottage! Always in my dreams!

 These kind of summernight sights....

 ...and these!

 AND THESE!

 The very first day of a summer holiday, when taking the boat to the island, and setting my foot onto the jeti for the first time since last year, smelling all the familiar finnish summer smells...

....to walk up towards the cottage, in order to have a little walkabout and see what thousand things my parents have changed/improved since last year

 early summerevenings at the cottage, enjoying a glass of wine with mamma & pappa

 the finnish wild flowers!

 investigating every morning whether there are any new smultron/strawberries to devour!

 The first swim of the summer!....

 ...which is ALWAYS amazing regardless of wheter it's cold or warm!

 my wonderful little grey lady , RIP Linde-darling

 Catching up with friends you only get to see a few times a year, and talking about everything that has happened in the last half year/year/more....Here with Fia, both slightly alcohol intoxicated...

 Holiday Mode= First cooling alcoholic drink on a hot summerday at 12 or so (even 11 is acceptable if it's really really hot...)

 taking little excursions on my own at the cottage. Here a little canoo ride to check out the neighboring islands

 Starting the mornings with a swim! The absolute best way in the world to start a warm summer morning!

...to be continued with breakfast in the sun, slowly drying

 Meeting new additions to the friendship group, which could be new partners or kids...This summer was the first time I met Kevin! <3

 SUMMER FOOD a la Jylhäs!

 Summer afternoon boat rides with mamma & pappa

enjoying slowly cooling off at sea after a really hot day

Karelska Piroger!!

FN-> LBB - Oh the hours we have spent at this old cafe! Here with Lina & Sofia a springtime

 Customary pre-christmas dinners with Sofia, Charren, Heidi....

 ....Soffi & Elin - and then drinks afterwards! a tradition since sixth form...or was it high school?

 cutting down/buying a really small, pathetic little tree. I don't think the Jylhä house has EVER owned a majestic christmas pine tree. We like to ge the sad little buggers with about 10 branches that no one else wants...this is a good example of an extra skinny one...

 The christmas decorations I have seen since I was a child. The little Santa girl used to have an organge scarf, and it was on that I learned to tie a bow many many christmases ago.

 Helping out with christmas preparations! baking gingerbread was generally my favourite!

 Christmas day nights out with beloved friends! This particular christmas day was spent pre-partying at mine, here with Elin, Soffi /& Fia...

 ...and Jenna & Sofia!

 ..Heidi was also there, and this christmas day ended with a bang when I was escorted out of Netti for allegedly "throwing a tray" from the top floor". I am still insulted over this, and still like to point out that I did NOT throw the goddamn tray, I was drunk and butterfingered and placed it uncarefully on the stupid round roulette table, for it to fall over the edge and down onto the floor below. No one was hurt.

 New Year's at Fia's at Gammelklockars! NYE is not NYE if it is not spent at Gammelklockars! Legendary tradition...

Getting new haircuts/perms/colour- Always used to try to get an appointment to my old hairdresser, so I generally had at least one hairchange/holiday. This winter I both permed and cut my hair..

 My siblings! Heidi (überpregnant!) & Malin. That I couldn't seem to find a picture of my brother does not mean he wasn't missed, but that he lived in Åbo and I didn't see him often

 Winterdays at the cottage! We used to almost always have the entire island to ourselves during christmas time, which made christmases at the cottage even more special!

 The cottage in it's winter hibernation...

Pale winterdays...(yes I did enjoy finnish winter then as I only ever had max 2 weeks of it, which is the perfect amount of time!)

Thoughts about grandmoms and cakes

I have eaten so much cream, jam, marzipan and sugar the last two days that I should be hyperactive like on speed. On the contrary I am actually very very sleepy, and have been so for the last 3 days. Have slept like a baby, despite the full moon, and fallen asleep whilst reading, doing yoga exercises and pretty much any time I have been lying horizontally. Not sure if it's the cold I've got (but I feel pretty ok except the excessive sleeping and a runny nose...) or if my body is just telling me it needs a LOT of sleep right now. Whatever it is I am listening to the body and giving in to the sleep cravings, I've been doing 10-11 h sleeping sessions the last two nights, BLISS!

A little thought I've been having- is it something genetic, innate which makes grandmom's want to feed their grandchildren half to death?
-'Here is your first grandchild'
-'Great, I will put some coffee on and get the entire house storage of cookies, cakes, buns, sweets out for him/her. Oh and there's sandwiches! And limsa! Oh, he/she can't chew yet? Maybe we can put some cookie in a glass of milk to make it soft enough for a pre-teether?'

I obviously can only speak of my own experience, and about my two grandmoms, but damn they were/are good feeders! Regardless of how old/young, thin/not thin anyone was, it was always time for CAKE! And other eadible items! And one serving is never ever enough, it is practically an insult! No at least two or three of each kind, then you might be off the hook for a little while - until it is time to go home, because then you have to bring something with you! At least some cookies! Or half a cake. Or maybe some sandwiches? Or if my grandmom has made anything vegetarian for me/my brother; 'take this cause I won't eat this grass!' (anything vegetarian is automatically grass in my grandmom's eyes..)

This has meant that food has always been equated with love for me. Love, consideration, caring. Making sure no one goes hungry, making sure everyone at least is as happy as you get of a full belly. And overfull? That must mean extrahappy! I don't think I ever (maybe once, but it is a rare occasion) have left my grandmom's house without a bag of goodies of varying form. Even if I have come for a surprise visit and she thus hasn't had time to buy 10 different kinds of goodies to offer. Bless grannys!

Did a granny-visit yesterday with my parents, which made me think of the granny-feeding issue...I came home mega overfull after eating sandwich and then far too many fastlagsbullar. I had the yearly dilemma of deciding if I should have one with jam OR marzipan (they should all have both!), and whilst grandmom's suggestion of 'Having both!' sounded tempting I gathered my senses and split them in half and had two halves instead. Plus some gingerbread. Plus some liqurice. Plus some more gingerbread. I felt like a giant fastlagsbulle ready to roll out of the door.

Grandmom wasn't too pleased with our poor eatingattempts, so she packed the remaining fastlagsbullar, toffeecakes and cream/icing cakes with me. Plus two jars of olives. Plus a bottle of Glögg. I stopped her short of packing down a fur boa scarf as well. REAL FUR. I love my grandmom to bits, but she doesn't quite get the whole vegetarian-not wearing leather-not wearing fur thing I have had going on for the last 13 years.

At least I know now where my love of giving comes from, with two grandmom's who have always wanted to give away things to make people happy it would be odd if I wouldn't at least have a little bit of that in me.

Blogging whilst eating a series of sticky cakes is not a genious idea- I now have an increadibly sticky laptop mouse pad, but hey doesn't matter in the long run, cause I am sugerhigh with a happy belly;

Long live grandmoms!

Please note that the grandmom in the picture is not MY grandmom, it is just an anonymous internet-granny with a BIG BIG cake. Bless, look at the granny in the background, she's loving the moment!

Stand up komikens förlovade värld - OBS. Varning för vulgära inslag

Jag älskar bra stand up komik, det är bland det bästa som finns! Jag upptäckte stand up'ens förlovade land i London, som är en av stand up'ens hemmanästen. I London finns små stand up gigs att se på VARJE kväll om man så vill det, eftersom det finns så himla många normala lustigkurrar som nån kväll, riktigt på lyset efter far too many pints tänker att "Fan vad jag är ROLIG, jag borde nog bli ståupp komiker" (fast på engelska, nåt i stil med "Bloody HELL I am funny, damn right if I wouldn't make a good stand up?!"). Och de yttrar denna tanke åt sina lika på lyset manliga vänner (mates/chums/bro's) (eftersom man vid det här laget av fylla oftar yttrar sina tankar i ord, fast man tror att man bara tänkte det...); "Fellas, don't you think I would make a brilliant stand up?!". Och hans fulla mates/bro's höjer sina pints och utbrister i unisont ölgrummel; "Damn right mate!" alternativt "F*cking ey mate, you'd be brilliant!" (beroende på hur pass finslipade i kanten de är och vilken slags öl de druckit)

Och så skapas en ny komiker på nån gratisföreställning i en grubby pub i Camden där nya "lysande" talanger får visa upp sina skills i några minuter. De flesta "lysande nya komiker" är fulla när de uppträder, för de skulle skita ner sig av nervositet annars. Och många är riktigt förskräckliga, och många (kan tänkas) gör aldrig om det. Men så finns det då, som alltid, GULDKORNEN. De må vara små, de må vara okända, de må kanske inte ALLTID vara briljanta, men de har nåt, som får folk att skratta.

Så en genomsnittlig pub stand up-kväll i London innehåller kanske 5-8 gigs, korta gig, sådär 4-10 minuter långa. Först har de några okända komiker med korta gigs, sen några halvkända, och sen drämmer de ofta till med en ganska känd en (beroende på hur mycket pengar/cred puben har och vem de kan få dit).

Efter att jag hade kommit över min skräck att bli utpekad/mobbad av komiker (som ja man ofta blir om man är utländsk, lång, ser alternativ ut, råkar säga nåt eller dra uppmärksamhet till sig på NÅT sätt) började jag tycka att stand up var SKITKUL, och gå på gigs ofta, eftersom det var som att gå på pub, men med extra humor värde utan mycket extra pengar (de här gigen är oftast gratis, eller kostar från £2-10, beroende på komikerna..).

Grejen med stand up komik, och humor överlag, är att INGENTING ska vara heligt. Ingenting ska inte kunna talas om. MEN, det kräver respekt, en genomgående respekt för mänskligheten, livet, intelligens och en förståelse att vissa saker är okränkbara, hur mycket man än skojar om dem. Och det kräver en publik som fattar att komikern fattar det här.

Således finns det en MASSA dåliga komiker, och en massa dålig publik. Men så finns det vissa, som kan skämta om VAD som helst, utan att det lämnar en dålig smak, för att de har just de gyllene ingredienserna för att vara en god komiker. Som Magnus Betnér, som skämtar om PRECIS allt, för att man bara behöver höra honom i en minut för att fatta att han är både intelligent, politiskt insatt och påläst, feminist/humanist, ickerasist, ateist och allmänt bara mänsklig. Och DÄRFÖR är det roligt och inte nedsättande när han skojar om allt från sex med djur, homosexualitet, islam och barn, för att man VET vad hans åsikter är och var han står. Och han hymlar inte med det, han är ärlig och rak. Därför, intressant nog, kan ett och samma skämt vara supersexistiskt eller roligt, beroende på om komikern faktiskt respekterar kvinnor och använder sitt forum för att vädra samhällskritiska åsikter, eller om komikern faktiskt har en taskig kvinnosyn och tycker att skämtet är roligt för att det stämmer.

Och efter denna inledning vill jag ge dig ett av mina absolut favoritklipp. men en varning, se det INTE om ni är pryda, och blir lätt förfärade över vulgärt språk. Om ni däremot vill ha en underbar feministisk bitsk humorpärla, ENJOY;

Sunday Blues bite my ass!

Sunday- and the sunday blues is far far away on the horizon, so far I think it won't be able to catch me at least this week. Bliss. Last Sunday was a pretty deep pit of Sunday blues mixed with other negative feelings. Since I am unemployed I am not quite sure why I would have the sunday blues anyways, but I guess years of working and studying with normal 5 days a week- weekend- 5 days a week rhythm does leave marks in you.

However, this Sunday feels suprisingly productive and good. I was in a good mood when I woke up, pretty well rested, after a pretty good evening at work. We had a live band playing irish & celtic music last night, and they were great, really really good. It liften the generally good saturday mood to an even better level, and at one point (pretty late, so the otherwise often quite reserved finns had gotten quite drunk and larry by this time) I almost thought I was in a proper old irish pub, cause everyone was clapping and cheering along with the music. Always fun to work when people are in a good festive mood and there's music to bop along to...

(Also, as a little whisper; the seemingly random pictures in this entry are not actually random at all, they are found doing one of my favourite things; google image searching on a particular key word or phrase ans checking what random stuff you find...Crack the nut of what I actually google searched and you will win...well, I don't actually know, haven't thought of it yet, but let's say crack the nut and you can suggest the prize!)

Overall it's been a good week. It's been a hectic week, which can be both good and bad in Anna-Karin Universe. Plans, schedules and things to do=good. Plans, schedules and things to do (which feel meaningless, or which I am unmotivated to do)=bad. This week has been a bit of a mix of the two, so it has generally been good. Plus that I have actually managed pretty well to get into better sleeping, eating (that bit's been REALLY good, I've been eating like a horse all week and am finally getting my muffintop silouette back [aka the two bit's of 'backfat' which sticks out on top of your jeans-lining]! woop woop!), nondrinking and less smoking habits, so I've been pretty pleased with myself. That I actually feel a lot better, more rested, healthier, happier and calmer is an obvious plus as well!

Been some ups and downs of the past week, but hey who hasn't got ups and downs in life? And especially, who hasn't got ups and downs pretty much on a weekly basis living in a dark, cold climate? So, I'm not overanalysing that bit too much. I'm really happy to have the cats living at mine, they are absolutely adorable! Wierd and excentric yes, but superb cats! I just love their random noises (except Simba's screaming at 8.00AM when I have been working until 2.30 and go to bed around 4, then I WAS pretty close to wanting to kill him), that they want to be cuddled all the time, their purring, Leiha's paw-poking and Simba's two legged dance when he wants attention. Ah, lovely old kitties! Their energylevel suits me perfect as well, as they're pretty old theyre not superplayful and want to run around like crazy all the time, but they like sleeping, chilling and cuddling - just like me.

So Sunday morning kicked off with a loooong cat-chill-session; one cat curled up on my chest, and one cat curled up by my side, duvet, blanket and loads of pillows, plus calming Eva Dahlgren singing to all the three of us. Bliss, theres nothing quite like curling up in bed when it is cold outside and knowing that you can sleep or nap for as long as you like. Then having two purring cats right next to/on you is just a megabonus!(:

So we catnapped for a while, but then I decided to properly get the sunday started to I got up, dressed, tidied up my two rooms (I love having a small place when it comes to cleaning), got some coffee ready, had a morning cigarette/reading session, and then did something as uncustomary as baked a cake! A vegan cake even! Simple reason was I had no breakfast. And no cakes. And no cookies. And no chocolates. And pretty much an empty fridge. BUT I had ingredients to a slightly altered vegan cake! Simples, cake it is! Lacked a few ingredients, so I improvised as I usually do, and ended up with a chocolate-hazelnut-coconut-coffee cake, which actually is bloody delicious! (thing was, I had a little milk, but not enough, but had a lot of milk in my coffee, so I thought 'Sod it, and poured in my big cup of coffee in the mixture, and then splashed in some soyacream as well....Cooking/baking ala A-K...)

Just about when the cake was done Heidi, Matias and Kevin came by to say hello to me and the cats, so we had a nice half hour or so of chatting and running after cats and trying to pat them(: Leiha and Simba are the world's frendliest and cuddliest cats, but I haven't met many cats so far which are very fond of little people (alias children) wanting to love them. Bless, Kevin SO wanted to hug them, but Simba was megafreaked out by his keen little hands, so he tried to hide best he could. Leiha was a little more chilled, but did also hide behind my table as soon as she could. Poor Kevin just wanted to hug and cuddle, he was so cute when Simba actually stopped for a while (pretty unwillingly) to be patted, and Kevin put his cheek to Simbas back and his arms around him! After that incident Simba pretty rapidly escaped to the hallway, and stayed there until the three strangers had dissapeared.....Oh kids and animals, how they warm my heart!

After Heidi, Matias and Kevin had left Malin and Maija came to mine, and we went out for a long walk in the lovely winter weather, cold but no wind or snow. I have missed going for long strolls with my sister, we used to do that a lot when we still lived at home, or when we were at home visiting. There's just something special about long strolls, and the conversations you have during them.... And when our cheeks were a little too cold and rosy we walked to our parents to wait for homedelivery of food! mmm. Mamma had picked up indian food for the four of us (Maija had to settle with milk, 2and so months old as she is...) so we had a lovely yummie Sunday lunch together...

And that has pretty much caught up to this very moment, at my parents, chilling with a small glass of vino tinto, about to kick my ass into jobseeker-mode and write my application for a job which expires tomorrow. So, one more productive thing today, and then I am properly get into Sunday chill mode, with another glass of red I think.

Good Sundays to you Folks!